


almost

by tsukishimoon



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Marriage, Romance, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:33:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24525445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsukishimoon/pseuds/tsukishimoon
Summary: Marriage is said to be a vicinity where storms, savage winds and calamities cease, where cold winds could never block out the warmth of the evening rays. It is a vicinity of peace. It is home.Oikawa and Iwaizumi's relationship was already expected and even thought to be inevitable by their own parents when they were in their last year of middle school, when they were caught inside of Iwaizumi's room, snuggling up against each other as they slept peacefully throughout the rest of the afternoon. They looked inseparable.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	almost

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [lifetime](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/628858) by ben&ben. 



> Hello! This is my first time ever posting something here and honestly, I'm nervous lmao. But anyways, here's a one shot that's inspired by a song by Ben&Ben that got released the other day and hopefully I give it justice. And I also hope I give IwaOi the justice that they deserve. Enjoy!

_Paper planes and porcelain_   
_Smell of rain through the window pane_   
_And the sight of you_   
_Oh, you were a good dream_

Weddings, or marriage (as most people would like to call it), is a celebration of love. It is the union of two hearts beating as one with the promise of a lifetime and more. It is deemed to be something so beautiful, so _ethereal,_ that in the real world it would be a blossoming flower; but in reality, it is a seed about to be embedded deep beneath the earth. A seed that needs to be tended to even without any assurance if it would unfurl its unending beauty to the warmth of the sun or wilt into an insect-feed plant. It is a gamble of life, a choice to unconditionally love every day that will lead to certain circumstances upon commitment.

Marriage is said to be a vicinity where storms, savage winds and calamities cease, where cold winds could never block out the warmth of the evening rays. It is a vicinity of peace. It is _home._

Oikawa and Iwaizumi's relationship was already expected and even thought to be inevitable by their own parents when they were in their last year of middle school, when they were caught inside of Iwaizumi's room, snuggling up against each other as they slept peacefully throughout the rest of the afternoon. They looked inseparable.

They have always been; from the day their mothers introduced them to each other on one summer afternoon when they were about 7 or 8 and up until the day where they're inside of a dressing room, waiting and moving frantically as Oikawa kept on tying and untying Iwaizumi's oxford blue necktie to make sure it looked perfect for the wedding.

"Does it look okay?" Iwaizumi asks, glancing at the vanity on his left when Oikawa finished tying his necktie, but eventually glancing back at Oikawa because he's only ever trusted his bestfriend when it came to styling himself.

"You're practically glowing right now, Iwa-chan," Oikawa says, winking at Iwaizumi mischievously before he cards his fingers through Iwaizumi's hair as an attempt to make him look better than he already is, or maybe it was just his excuse to touch Iwaizumi, to feel his warmth and to take in all of his magnificence. "You don't need to worry if you look handsome or not."

They have always been so relaxed whenever they were together, even if the both of them were under pressure, as long at they had each other; it was more than enough _._ And no matter how much they want slit each others throats at certain times, their care for one another has always and will always be there. It's unspoken of, but it's _there._ Their love and care for one another has always radiated from the both of them, touching and inspiring friends and family that knew of what they had—that knew of what they had was beyond special.

But sometimes, the universe only gives you a number of chances before you waste all of them and leave with nothing else left in your pockets.

"You think Kashima is going to like it?" Iwaizumi throws out another question and Oikawa feels his heart drop at the sole mention of her name, so he smiles instead. It was the smile that Iwaizumi had always hated because it was always so generic, so planned, so unreal, but Iwaizumi couldn't even pay attention to that little detail anymore.

He has someone else's smile to observe now.

"Of course, she will," Oikawa singsongs, brushing off the invisible dust on Iwaizumi's coat, trying to talk slow and steady to reassure his best friend is looking just fine. "She's going to fall in love with you all over again."

"I'm really glad I have you as my best man, Tooru. I wouldn't have known what to do without you."

_I was scared to lose you then_   
_But secrets turn into regrets_   
_Buried feelings grow_   
_Oh, you were a good dream_

_A month before the wedding._

No less than an hour ago, the rain had began to bore down on Miyagi Prefecture. The gentle splatter of the rain against Oikawa's bedroom window was very much evident. These were Oikawa's favorite kind of days because the rain was something that kept him out of his thoughts—out of the sadness and pain. It was a kind of day where he doesn't feel too bad about not getting out of his room and about not talking too much to his family. The rain was basically enough of a reason for him to mope beneath his sheets, sleep in and stare at the four corners of his room all day.

The thunder cried out rather feebly, indicating that the skies will be filled with nimbus clouds and the rain will continue to weigh down ruthlessly on their prefecture for the next few hours. Oikawa found his own peace of mind as the thunder rolled once more, the occasional roars of fury from the heavens had always brought a sense of calmness for him. He lets this moment sink in. He lets every moment sink in as it was not going to last forever.

"Tooru-san! Tooru-san!" Someone from downstairs calls out, right on cue. Oikawa heaves half a sigh and half a laugh as he realizes that his peacefulness will soon be taken over by his nephew, Takeru, whose little footsteps was apparent through the wooden floors of their house. But he smiles genuinely anyways as he hears his nephew's footsteps slowly inching closer to his bedroom. It takes him almost all of his energy to push himself up to on his bed to welcome Takeru in his room.  
  
"Tooru-san!" Takeru calls out one last time before Oikawa's bedroom door flies open and reveals his mischievous six year old nephew holding an oxford blue envelope. Oikawa instinctively opens his arms and Takeru runs almost immediately to his uncle's arms. It's been months since Takeru saw his uncle, besides from the times that he sees him on TV, but that didn't really count to him.

"How's my favorite nephew doing?" Takeru instantaneously pulls away from Oikawa's hug and raises an eyebrow at his uncle. Oikawa is already laughing at him.

"I'm your only nephew!" Takeru declares bitterly, crossing his arms and pouting at his uncle. Oikawa couldn't help but pull Takeru back into his arms again because of how cute he was acting all of a sudden. _This brat really takes after me_ , Oikawa thought. Sometimes he wonders how he and Takeru are so similar, and yet he's so different from his sister.

He remembers the times whenever they would attend family gatherings, Takeru would always be mistaken as his son because their similarities, personality wise, were very much uncanny. He would always be questioned by his relatives as to why he hid his marriage from them and as to why they have never met his wife, and when he tells them the truth about Takeru being his sister's son and about him being as single as a pringle, they would become a speechless mess and would eventually move on into questioning him as to why he was still single when his face could send women to their knees.

_Oh, if only they knew._

"Wait! Mom told me to give this to you!" Takeru eventually wriggles his way out of his uncle's arms and shows him the oxford blue envelope that he's been holding the whole time. Takeru had a smirk on his face as he fans the envelope in front of his uncle's face and Oikawa kind of wishes he didn't know what that smirk meant. "She told me it's from Hajime-san."

The sole mention of the his name made Oikawa's heart clench and his stomach churn, the sole mention of his name felt like pouring a ton shit of alcohol onto an open wound that never really fully healed. He looks at the envelope in his nephew's hands and hesitates, but he takes it from his nephew's small hands anyways and stares at it, and he hates how he already knows what it was about. He kind of wishes he didn't know anything at all, or better, he kind of wishes he didn't receive the invitation at all. He makes the wrong decision of flipping to the front of the invitation, seeing Iwaizumi and his wife-to-be's initials embroidered beautifully in white.

_Oh, how he wishes it was his initials instead._

He remembers the time Iwaizumi called him at an ungodly hour of the night, just so he could take into account what Oikawa's opinion was about his and his fiancée's motif and the time Iwaizumi surprised him in Tokyo to announce that he was engaged. He remembers the time Iwaizumi introduced Masaki to him for the very first time and the times he chaperoned almost all of their dates. He remembers the times Iwaizumi would barge into his room and rave about Masaki and the nights that Iwaizumi would cry onto his shirt whenever he and Masaki faces their own battles.

"Takeru," His sister, Mihiko, was in front of his bedroom, leaning onto the door frame and she looked like she's been watching her son get reunited with her brother after some time. "Grandma prepared snacks for you downstairs."

With this, Takeru scrambles to his feet and gives Oikawa a very wet kiss on his cheeks before running downstairs to get his long awaited snack and unknowingly leave his mother and uncle to talk about the invitation he was told to give. Oikawa and his sister just look at each other for some time with knowing expressions on their faces, waiting for either of them to break their silence.

"He's getting married," Oikawa says, flailing his arms like he doesn't really give a fuck about his bestfriend getting married, but Mihiko could see right through him. She knew what Oikawa was truly feeling and she genuinely sympathizes with him. She saw Oikawa and Iwaizumi grow up together. She saw how they fell in love with each other every single day and she was just as heartbroken as her brother. "I can't believe he's getting married."

"I can't believe it either." Mihiko slowly walks her way to her brother's bed and sits beside him with her head leaning on top of Oikawa's shoulder. Oikawa hands her the invitation, knowing well enough that he doesn't have the guts to open it—knowing well enough that it's going to take him forever to open it up and see its contents, so he lets his sister open it instead. Mihiko takes it from him, staring at it for a few seconds before deciding to open it up.

The invitation was full of names of people that Iwaizumi and Masaki treasured the most and wanted to celebrate their union with. There were at least three sheets of marbled paper that contained of the names of friends and family that were very much important for the bride and groom. As Oikawa and Mihiko browse through the three sheets of paper, they both notice a very familiar name scribbled in cursive at the top of the the bridal entourage sheet.

_Best Man: Oikawa Tooru_

Mihiko lifts her head up and glances at her brother, she couldn't help but to frown and feel dejected as she sees her brother's eyes glistening with tears, obviously trying so hard to keep it all in because Oikawa didn't really want to cry in front of his sister. He didn't want to see how vulnerable and pathetic he was.

And that's when he sees it; _the photos._ The photos of Iwaizumi smiling at Masaki. Iwaizumi looked at Masaki with so much love and admiration. Iwaizumi looked at Masaki as if she puts the stars and the moon in the night sky. Iwaizumi looked at Masaki the exact same way he used to looked at Oikawa.

Some day, Oikawa thought, he was going to see Iwaizumi holding hands with someone who took his chance, kissing someone who took his chance and spending the entirety of his life with someone who took his chance. And the sad part was that Iwaizumi will never be able to notice Oikawa anymore because he's too busy receiving the love that he has always deserved. Oikawa knows that his heart will burn seeing the magnificent smile on Iwaizumi's face and realizing that he's never going to be the reason anymore.

Oikawa promised himself that he would never fall in love with Iwaizumi, but it was 3am and they were laughing to their hearts content and they felt genuinely happy just being in each other's arms. And that was when Oikawa knew that he was screwed.

The subtle touches that felt like sparks of comfort and home, now feels like a blaze of flames. The exquisite kisses plastered on their skin in the most indefinite times, now remains as scars of the past. The treasured smiles and hearty laughs that made their hearts bloom—the very same smile that made Oikawa's midnight skies, now ignites the misery in his chest.

_Tangled with another's eyes_   
_Never mind, you were never mine_   
_Glimpse of me and you_   
_Oh, you were a good dream_

They look at each other like they were almost lovers, like they should have kissed longer, should have made love and laughed in bed together, should have embraced each other tighter, should have made each other laugh harder, should have made each other smile thrice the amount they already had and should have held on longer. They would have told each other a trillion 'I love you's'. They would have done things a whole lot different if they knew.

They look at each other full of what if's and what could've been's and hearts full of regrets.

To Oikawa, the saddest word in the whole entire universe is: _almost._

They almost loved once. And almost love hurts, especially when you know that it could've worked in different circumstances. But if anyone could be Oikawa's almost lover,

He was glad that it was Iwaizumi Hajime.

He wanted Iwaizumi in the most tactless way. He wanted his lips, his calloused hands, his universe-filled eyes, his messy hair, his ebony skin. He wanted him the way the oceans longs for the shore, constantly reaching and running back. He wanted him the way the midnight sky wants a view. He wanted him the way the rain wants to fall, the way the stars shine and the way words want to be read. He wanted him to a millionth degree—to infinity.

He always held onto the small things. Like the way the breeze blew his hair. Like the way he looked when the sun makes his skin golden. Like the way his smile would bring the dimples from his cheeks. Like the way his voice shook when he tries to stop to talk in between his fits of laughter.

And sometimes these things that seem to matter the most, are also the same things that hurt you the most. So in order to stop the hurt, you cut all the extensions that keeps you connected to that hurt.

Unfortunately, Iwaizumi was an extension of Oikawa's pain.

_Was there a lifetime waiting for us_   
_In a world where I was yours?_   
_Was it the wrong time, what if we tried_   
_Giving in a little more?_   
_To the warmth we had before_

"Oikawa, Hajime's about to walk. We need you there now." The wedding organizer popped out from behind him, looking fatigued and stressed and Oikawa didn't want to stress her out any longer. Iwaizumi and Masaki were about to get married and Oikawa was about to _finally_ let go.

He puts his pen down and folds the piece of paper he's been writing on for the past thirty minutes. It wasn't much, but hopefully it was enough. He makes sure that his letter was facing up front so that once Iwaizumi could find it, he'd see it immediately: _Goodbye, My Almost._ He finally stands up from his seat and takes a step outside, ready to see his bestfriend—his almost, truly and deeply fall in love with someone else.

_Hello, Iwa-chan!_

_Congratulations on your marriage! I just want to apologize for not being able to attend the reception anymore, my duties as a pro volleyball player needed to be attended to and trust me, it sucks that I wasn't able to see or hug you one last time before we went our separate ways. But nonetheless, I am truly and genuinely happy that you have finally found the love of your life. Out of all the people in the universe, I really do think that it is you who deserves all the love and care that our universe can provide._

_Iwa-chan, saying goodbye is hard. It is so fucking hard to say goodbye, especially when it's addressed to someone who means the world to you—especially when goodbye isn't what you want._

_Day by day, every time I looked at you, I felt so in love. I felt like I had met the most wonderful and magnificent person in the entire universe and I still can't believe that he once allowed me to receive his love and even let me love him._

_But, Hajime, I also felt awful—because we always knew that it wasn't meant to be._

_I hope you don't ever think that I regretted the love that we once had. Just because we didn't work out doesn't mean you weren't the best thing that has ever happened to me._

_Hajime, it's time for me to let you go. It's time for me to stop the pain, the misery and the hurt. It's time for me to stop abusing myself, beating myself up, hurting myself and leaving myself behind. Because the person I've always been waiting for is now somewhere across the oceans—somewhere across the universe; already happy without me._

_Thank you, Hajime. Thank you for coming into my life, although it was short. Thank you for giving me happiness which was purely just you. Thank you for becoming my home and my person combined. Thank you for becoming the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for the memories that I will take wherever I may go._

_Even if I say goodbye, I don't think goodbye really means that it's the end. It simply means: I'll miss you until we meet again._

_Goodbye, my almost. I love you. Constantly, consistently and continually, you._

**Author's Note:**

> I would just like to thank two of my bestfriends, Elaine and Paul for helping me make this one shot. They were basically my proofreaders when I was making this and they were also one of the many people who encouraged me to write something about this song. You guys are the best, I love you two.


End file.
